You know lately i’ve been changing so much in my life i’m not so sure I
recognize it anymore. In a different locale, and house for that matter.
Seeing different people in my everyday life. It’s very strange.

But I love it.

The biggest reason ?

Because I have the most wonderful man i’ve ever known by my side to
help me when ever I need it. Who supports me in any desicion I make.
Who makes me feel like i’m unbreakable. Like no matter what happens in
my life I can take it.

I can’t belive i’ve got someone with so much faith in me in my life.

I’ve spent all of it with almost no one having any faith in my
abilities as a person, as a woman. But now I have someone who does.

I love him more than I ever knew I could love someone, so much that
everytime I hear the words “I love you, baby” from his lips, my heart
jumps and my mind swirls. I feel like nothing else matters. Just that
beautiful face of his, in my eyes.

*laughs*

“Something ’bout the way you looked at me.

Made me think for a moment.

That maybe we were meant to be.

Living our lives seperately.

And it’s strange that things change.

But not me wanting you.

So desperately.

Oh, why can’t I ignore it?

I keep giving in, but I should know better.

‘Cause there was something ’bout the way you looked at me.

And it’s strange that things change.

But not me wanting you.

So desperately.”

It never changed Anthony.

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It’s strange how one’s life can change so quickly.

A small twist of fate and everything is different.

Love is such a wonderful thing. But selfless love. That’s another thing
entirely. To have someone care about you enough that they change some
of their life too. That’s amazing.

So quality is better than quantity. In five years I felt so little. Now
in two days I have felt so much. It’s as if this is the only love I was
ever meant to have. Everything else was just a training for this day.
The day when I’m with someone that really means something to me. He is
amazing. And found in the most unlikely of places.

I love him in a way that is spesific to us. I’ve never felt quite like
this before. I almost feel like it should end. Like one small word
could break it apart like glass. But I know it’s not that way. It’s
much stronger than that. I’m the most blessed woman in the world this
night. I’m drunk on a new kind of love and it’s more amazing than I
ever could have imagined.

To those of you who are wondering who the hell it is i’m rambling on
about. It’s Anthony. The one I refer to as Negative_Space. He is the
sweetest man in this world. He understands more than I ever could have
hoped, and i’m truely blessed.

God i’m floating.

How is it that life passes by so quickly yet some things seem to take so long to come?

*Waits on pins and needles for a phone call and a peice of mail*


“I worry, I weigh three times my body
I worry, I throw my fear around
But this morning, there’s a calm I can’t explain
The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on
Well all I got’s

Ooh ooh ooh ooh”

Valentine’s day.

Has there ever been a day more socially hyped than it?

You spend your days waiting for the one where you might have a special
someone on that day, and when you have it, it turns out to be something
you never expected. Society builds you up for a holiday that dosen’t
really exsist. There is no man who could possibly live up to a womans
expectations for the day.

But then there are the chosen few. Those who realize that and overcome
it, they know not to expect such a grandoise thing. That the day won’t
be what you expect. Then when something beautiful happens on that day,
you are totally blown away. It becomes better than anything you could
ever ask for. All because you let go of the standard. The thing that
holds everyone back. Alas, it is society, and what are we but part of
it? Thus the cycle continues. We all remain hypocrites in this cruel
and unusual world. But maybe, just maybe, it really dosen’t matter. As
long as you are happy.

I may or may not get anything or do anything for this event. Given the
chance, which I am every year, I often forget the holiday exsists until
shortly before when all the buzz happens and everyone talks about their
Valentine, and who they have to love. However, if something does
happen, on that day of all days. I will appriciate it just the same as
any other day. Just because someone says you should do something
special for the one you love on this day dosen’t mean you should just
do it on this day. Try to do it every day. Which when you love someone,
that becomes a simple kiss, or a lingering gaze into their eyes. A hug,
a run through their hair with your fingers, “I love you” Life isn’t
perfect. But when you’ve got the chance, try to make it spectacular,
and not because someone else says you should.

So will I do anything for Valentine’s day? I would like to. But who
knows what the future holds. If I do, it will be because I want to. Not
because of the day of the year.