And so at 464 days that’s the end.

I think that it’s probably better this way. I wish with all my might that he still loved me, but he dosen’t. I loved every minute of every day i spent with him. I wouldn’t take it back for the world. He still means everything to me, and probably will for a long time.

Don’t misunderstand anything, he’s not mad at me, and i’m not mad at him. We still care alot about eachother, i’ve offered for him to stay here until he can get on his feet. we are going to continue to be friends.

The love he had just left.
That’s all it was.
I was powerless to stop it.

Feb. 20th 2005 was still the best day of my life. I will never ever regret it.
It’s just the end of a wonderful journey in my life. I beleive that somewhere it’s written that all good things must come to an end. And so I will continue my life, and hope that I can write the pages to my story well, and that I can one day find true happiness.


I still love you Anthony. I always will.



So many things have changed lately, in the past year I’ve become a different person than I used to be, and I don’t like it. I’m really working right now to save myself. To become better. It’s hard though, when you screw up enought that the person you care the most about in life can’t even say he’s in love with you….

I’ve just fucked up,..alot. I don’t know if I can salvage the things in my life I still want.


I just feel so…….


So anyone wanna hang out with me? Or do I have the friggin plauge? It really sucks when Anthony gets invited to go places and have fun with people and I get jipped, I end up staying in or going along to have something to do, and then feeling like a third wheel with everyone, I really need someone to want to hang out with me.

Good luck with that I suppose….


So The Davinci code is an amazing movie/book. Everyone should either read it or see it whatever you choose but it’s too interesting to miss.

Alot of things are changing in me lately. I’ve renewed faith in my life, literally in the sense that I asked for a new start this morning. I’m working on everything i’ve been doing wrong in my life. Trying to start over. Trying to work on everything. and just, be at peace with myself, and everyone else.

Everything is shaping up for me. It’s feeling pretty good.


Maybe my life isn’t meant to go the direction I want…., Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy….doomed for all eternity to be alone and sad with my dreadful and harmful personality. And because I know you read this since you’ve signed up for xanga, thank you Todd, for fucking me up beyond belief, you’ve made me into a person that can’t even be remotely normal anymore. Bravo. Bastard.


So it’s actually my birthday today. Happy Birthday to me. Thanks to everyone who came to the party last night. Hope you enjoyed yourselves.

So update for those of you who don’t know. I got in with the neurologist. He said that I have a cyst in my brain. They want to do more tests and that will happen this week. Then I go back to the neurologist. So I suppose we shall see from there.

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So until my next post,  adue, and enjoy your lives.