So I did it, and it was lovely, I even got brought flowers, I had a fantastic time. I like this dating thing, wanna try to do more of it lol. ❤ Glad i got the first scared akward occurance out of the way.

Makes you really tired though! lol, Seriously you get worn out. SOOO much fun though. ❤ Hope they are all like this.

Man of the year is a funny movie. It was really good, i liked it.

*stays in good mood*


EDIT : Going on a second date tonight in about an hour, (<3 you Teresa I’ll email you soon when I have some time I promise)




Hello Shari and welcome to the world.

Get ready for it shall be a bumpy ride!!

Probably sometime this week i’ll be going on my first real date. Like
with someone i’m not in a relationship with. I’m nervous but i’m
excited too. It’s gonna be sweet.

Wish me luck.


So life is going better these days. Joint ventures between me and my dad with what little money i actually have (money that came from my 401k at my old job) I am getting this in a few days, it is on it’s way via the mail.

Tis a 20 inch widescreen folks.
So I decided not to get that one, some gay address issues with my debit card, it’s gonna take to long and it was too expensive anyway. So i’m just gonna buy one here. Pictures when I get it probably tonight.

EDIT: This is on my desk right now. 19″ Widescreen, beautiful ❤

This is on it’s way also.

Yay for dvd burners

EDIT: The burner is here and now in, it’s also a dvd RAM drive, lol, fancy.

Been listening to a new band called City Sleeps, which inspired the new layout, very good band probably the best i’ve heard in a long time, yeah. Really good band

So how could I not be happy right now…Right?



Another day, another loop. Like i’m on repeat. Nothing changes. Different setting, different feelings, moving on and around. Dancing the dance, singing the song. Not like it’s changed. I simply feel like a stranger once more. Sparks of hope once lingered but now they just fade. Did I honestly belive I would be better by now? How could I have? There are people who have suffered more than I have, longer than me with this, yet somehow I thought I would be better somehow. That I was above it and could beat it. I hurt so bad and was so depressed yesterday I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I just layed there for hours. I didn’t sleep. I just layed there. I’ve had other things on my mind sure. But this is just not going away. I want it go away. It just wont. The thing that was once working strong is not so strong anymore. Now i’m faced with headaches again. Bad ones. A whole slew of other things I don’t even know how to deal with. I just don’t even know anymore how to deal with this. It’s completely beyond my comprehension. I’m so utterly confused. I thought I could deal with this, I knew exactly how I was going to deal with this, now I have no clue. I’m so damn lost. It’s frigtening to have someone tell you you have this and to give you so little information on it, and expect you to just deal with it.

I don’t know what i’m expecting in writing this, just a place to get it out. I’m just so frustrated with everything lately, it’s like everything in my life I felt like I had gotten a handle on has just escaped me. It’s all crumbling. Falling the fuck apart and I don’t know what to do anymore. Don’t keep a journal anymore so I just rant here, and if someone reads it, someone reads it, if not I don’t care, that’s not the point of it. It’s for me. To get it out. To let go of it. For me to realize i’m only human, that i’m not fucking superwoman and sometimes I break down just like everyone else, and that I can’t just keep everything to myself. My life isn’t perfect, it’s screwed up. I know that, from the get go. I put it here so I remember, and so I know it’s okay for me to break down, i’m allowed. I don’t have to save myself. For that matter, I can’t. This won’t get better. There is no cure. I’m fucked. I gotta realize that, and the sooner I do. The sooner I’ll realize I can’t save myself. I just have to deal with that. No one can save me, not even the greatest doctor in the world can save me. This is going to be there for the rest of my life. Weather it will kill me or not is debateable. But it sure the hell is going to hurt, and there is nothing I, or anyone else can do about that. I need to fucking accept that and move on.


I think I’m done ranting for today, sorry for the longness if anyone even does read this.



Here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool…

Opening Credits:
Tool – H

Waking Up:
Hanson – Look at you

First Day at School:
Yoko Shimomura – Merlin’s Magic House (Kingdom Hearts)

Falling In Love:
Explosions In the Sky – Day One

Fight Song:
Muse – Citizen Erased

Breaking Up:
Savage Garden – Truly Madly Deeply (nice, that’s not depressing at all)

Dredg – Catch Without Arms

Death Cab for Cutie – Amputating

Mental Breakdown:
Song of Prayer – Bahamut (FFX Soundtrack) (woah, that fit pretty interestingly..)

Utada Hikaru – Workout (Would so jam to this while driving)

A Perfect Circle – Brena

Getting Back Together:
Minus The Bear – The Fix (Ha, funny title for that)

Dredg – Movement II Crosswind Minuet (That would be pretty sweet actually)

Birth of Child:
Amazing Device – Calamine

Final Battle:
Attack Music – FF X Soundtrack

Death Scene:
Tool – Prison Sex (HELL YEAH!!!)

Funeral Song:
Iron & Wine – Naked as We Came

End Credits:

3 Doors Down – Away From the Sun

That is so awesome. It just kinda came up that way. I want tool to play when I die! lol

Obviously have internet now. So contact!<3


So PSA here, I was looking at Vault stuff today, randomly, ran across a taste test, Vault vs Surge, what we all figured, guy says vault is surge with more lime, but anyway, for the PSA

There will be a new Vault in March 07 from what i’ve heard it’s called Vault Red Blitz, and it’s vault with Berry flavoring. That shall be interesting.

Click here for more info on that.