And The Shadow Of The Day, Will Embrace The World In Grey…

That’s how I feel right now. I feel like my world is grey and I wish so much that I knew exactly what to do to make it right.

There are so many things right now that I just can’t help. I feel like I’m wrapped up in a tree branch struggling to move and no matter how hard I writhe it’s got me. I’m fucked and I hate it.

I’ve only felt this bad a few times in my life, but I literally feel so bad that I am having trouble not crying. Ever since I got up, which was at almost 7 pm I just, all I want to do is cry. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be or do and I hate feeling like that. Right now I feel numb to anything that could possibly be said to me right now. I feel like nothing will make it right.

I sat in the shower today for so long…..I got in there and I just couldn’t even muster enough to stand….I layed down on the floor in the shower and just cried….I don’t know what it is about being in the shower that makes me feel okay about just crying myself silly. Maybe it’s because I can’t break down in life so I break down in a place where no one will know….I can explain it away with the shower water. Some how I felt safe though…There in my pathetic position on the shower floor…Like nothing could get to me and the only thing I needed to do was just cry. That was all I needed to do was just cry….I don’t know…I hope things will get better but for right now I just don’t even know what to do I feel like it would just be better if I could sleep for the next few days….Or for longer.

I don’t know what to be right now but all I know is this has to clear because I won’t make it…

Shari

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