Ugh.

I’m so…bleh right now.

I feel like sometimes in my life people just take advantage of me. I’ll do everything and I’m fine on my own so why not let me do it? Seems like it’s just easier for everyone that way and sometimes I feel like saying fuck it and shutting down. But I can’t do that. I’m not allowed to do that because I feel this overwhelming responsibility to take care of everyone else. I feel so sad right now I just want someone to hold me and be there for me and I feel like right now that’s impossible. No one asks me what I think about pretty much anything, and even if they did I feel like most of the time what I say doesn’t matter. I just feel so upset lately. Is company so much to ask? I just feel so damn alone and I just want to fucking scream. I’m so mad about so many things right now, and it doesn’t matter. It’s not like anyone is going to help me, or make it better. Or for that matter even understand what’s upsetting me. I’m fucking stuck dealing with on my own even though that’s not what I want. I’ve been dealing with everything on my own since I was so young all I want to do is just take a break. I want someone to focus on me for once, but for fucks sake it would bother me. It’s been so scarce in my life it’s like if someone did focus on me I would feel so god damn guilty about it I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. I guess most of all I just feel under appreciated. Even when I talk no one listens but I have to listen to everyone else. So once again I’ll put a smile on my face, and even though I’m so upset inside I’ll just swallow it and move on. And no one will be the fucking wiser.

bleh

Wrapped in the warmth of you, Loving every breath of you, Still my heart this moment or it might burst.

If I should die this very moment,
I wouldn’t fear,
For I’ve never known completeness like being here,
Wrapped in the warmth of you,
Loving every breath of you,
Still my heart this moment or it might burst,

Could we stay right here,
Till the end of time till the world stops turning,
Wanna love you till the seas run dry,

I’ve found the one, I’ve waited for.

I was watching Moulin Rouge today, The song in this post is called Gorecki by Lamb, what’s funny about all this, is Daniel’s favorite song of all time is in Moulin Rouge It’s called Bolero and it’s arranged by Steven Sharples, I decided to listen to both songs and I feel like both of them hold deep meaning in my life. The first decribes my current feelings and the second…it’s like a representation of how my life has gone.

Fast, slow, gentle, feirce, painful, difficult, with an explosive pay off and subtle exit.

I don’t know I thought it was interesting that in that one movie that we both really like we happen to have our favorite song held within…I think it says something for kindred spirits, which is what I believe we are. Anyway enough gushing,

Shari

We look good side by side, walking back to the hotel.

So I’m back, again. Sometime I’ll get back to this full time, hopefully that time is now. Daniel and I are very happy with each other, I think now more than ever, at least, that’s how I feel. We’ve had some severe ups and downs in the past year but that is one thing that has never changed. Even now he’s laying on the couch with our dog Jake and I swear he could not be more adorable if he tried. We have a new dog now, our birds and fish have since passed away, no idea why but that happens I guess. Jake the Jack Russell Terrier is over a year old now, and Riley our new dog is a few months old. 4 or 5 I think.


Jake


Riley

That’s our doggies. Jake is a daddies dog, Riley is a momma’s dog hardcore. They’re both great.

Things are going well right now, we’ve started a company and do business for ourselves, which is interesting but it works. Being our own boss is neat. Well it’s almost 7 pm I think it’s probably time for my slacker hubby to wake up, look forward to the next episode soon.

Shari