I am a mother

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I swear he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and so far he’s certainly the most worthwhile accomplishment in my life. Honestly I think him and his Dad have a tie for that spot. Without my wonderful, loving, sweet, and supportive Daniel this astonishing little guy wouldn’t be here.

My heart today is filled with so much love. Just looking at his face there I would absolutely throw myself in front of a moving car to keep him from harm. There was a moment right after they pulled him out and put him on that little table to be cleaned up, I could see Daniel standing next to the table watching him get cleaned up. I will never ever forget seeing him there for the first time. Our son. Our little Alexandr.

Everything happened so fast it was all kind of surreal. It’s kicking in more and more each time that this little guy is my son, and some time they are actually going to let me take him home lol. Being over in the NICU hold him, feeidng him, it’s like this is my purpose and has always been. Everything else just isn’t as important as I used to feel. My whole head is filled with Me, Daniel, and Alex, and our little family. It’s like a hat dropped and it just became all about our family. I love Alex so much. He’s doing wonderful and they are saying they won’t have to keep him long they don’t think! He’s going to be home quick enough that they specifically told us to get a car seat rated down to four pounds. As far as I understand daddy took care of that, which is good. He’s eating well, I got to change his diaper this morning which was so interesting. I’m sure it shouldn’t be but it was for me! His poor little preemie diapers are too big. He went down after birth to 3lbs 4oz, but it looks like he’s back on the rise, and they have started pumping straight lipids into him along with his special IV formula, and I’ve been bottle feeding him enfamil preemie formula. He’s been eating it down like a champ.

Motherhood changes so much about the way you look at and think about things. The hardest part so far has been knowing that he’s early, and missing that last bit of bonding we would have had for these next 6-7 weeks had he still been in there, kicking me and listening to stuff with me. He can still do some of those things though now that he’s out it’s just not how things were SUPPOSED to be. You know what though? Nothing Daniel and I do is the way it’s SUPPOSED to be done, like, ever, and we’re awesome dammit. Alex is going to be just as awesome.

Let’s do this kid, the world doesn’t even know what just hit it. I love you Daniel, you are my best friend and I couldn’t ask for a better husband. I love our son so much and I can’t wait to bring him home so we can both be with him.

Tata for now all,

Shari, proud new momma to little Alexandr Julius!

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