Today was bath day and Alexandr’s hair shows it! It’s growing even more if that’s possible and it looks beautiful. He smells lovely and seemed to enjoy at least parts of his bath lol. I felt like I did good and it was so nice to spend time with him today. I spent multiple hours at the NICU and just spent time with him. I had to let him sleep a bit longer when I got there, so I spent some time picking him an outfit. A group of wonderful ladies from the area have put together a charge to do photoshoots in the NICU for parents at no cost to the parents. I stumbled across this looking for support groups in the area and couldn’t resist seeing if they had the time to come by and visit Alexandr. Tomorrow one of the photographers is coming to the hospital to take pictures of us all as a family. Once I had a nice outfit picked out for him I still had about fifteen minutes to wait. I rolled a chair over to his isolette and sat in the dark quiet watching him sleep, holding my hand to the side of his isolette. It’s so hard to see him in that box.
Before long it was bath time! He did really well and I think I did too, for a first timer anyway! lol. He was pretty cooperative minus a few froggy baby kicks in the bathtub that sent the soap flying across the tub. I dried him and lotioned him, got him set up in his outfit for tomorrow. Then it was time for his feeding. He got almost all of his bottle down but not everything, he was rather tired from bath time. We have an evaluation of his suck, swallow, breathe reflexes sometime very soon, which will give us an idea of how he’s doing getting that down. He’s started wearing onsies under his little suits and halo sleepers in preparation for moving to his open crib. I sat with him holding him and rubbing his back putting him to sleep after he fed. I put his sweet head on my shoulder and held him close, he flicked his feet around on my belly and snuggled up, chewing on my neck and pulling my ears. He’s so sweet… Leaving him today was harder than it has been. Sitting there in the rocker holding him after all the days activity, it felt like home. I didn’t ever want to leave. I stopped short at the door and one of the nurses asked if I was okay, and I looked up and said “Walking out this door each time is harder and harder, and it’s the worst part of any day of my life” She smiled, reassured me, and told me he’d be home as soon as he was ready. I thanked her and told her to have a nice day. So many people will never understand how hard it is to walk away from that NICU. It’s all about baby steps, taking it one day at a time, and keeping hope that everything will be okay. I don’t want to forget any part of his life, and I hope that someday he’ll understand how much love it takes to do that every day.
We love you Alexandr, and hope against hope that you can come home soon.