Be My Baby, and I’ll Look After You

(One day I will replace the pictures in this post, the links were broken and as a result the pictures are not visible. They were taken from an old blog.)


Alexandr is 4 and a half months old, and I still couldn’t be happier to be his mother. He’s working on cutting his two bottom teeth already. He’s growing so fast. I have a conversation with a new friend of mine that made me reminiscent of when Alexandr was born. I present to you my most vulnerable moments  as a new mother and images I’ve hardly or never shared.

Three days after Alexandr was born and I was still in the hospital dealing with a slew of medical issues including out of control blood pressure, the next two pictures were taken. We had a “mini blizzard” come through and it was snowing. I was in the NICU holding Alex and watching the snow fall. I realized it was his first snowfall, which I didn’t expect to happen until this coming winter because he wasn’t due until April. I asked one of the nurses to take a few pictures for me. We couldn’t draw the blinds because it would have made the NICU too bright, but she did open them some. I am very glad I asked her to do this.



The day Alexandr was born he was on TPN which is Total Parenteral Nutrition. It’s given by IV and was done for the first few days he was in this world. When I came to the NICU they were letting him suck on a pacifier and getting ready to tube feed him. I asked if they’d be willing to let me try to feed him. They told me he’d be far too tired and probably wouldn’t even take it from me. Not only did he take it, he ate an entire 4ml. I was so very proud of him.


After about a month in the NICU we got a call to finally bring Alexandr home, we had to room in with him first though, to make sure he gained weight and everything went okay. We did this for two days. In the early morning of the second day in the dim hospital light Daniel took a picture of me getting him back to sleep and holding my baby boy after feeding him. We took him home later that morning.


I really do forget how fragile my beautiful little boy was at birth. He’s three days old here, he was so small and fragile. He stayed red like that for his first two months of life, and when he would cry or struggle/grunt he would turn blue around the mouth and nose. I had to learn to deal with that knowing he was okay. His skin was kind of saggy and hung off his poor little body for the longest time. You hardly realized it as he’s never let his being early or small stop him from being a complete ham and cheese sandwich.


Alexandr Julius is one of the single greatest things that’s ever happened to me and no matter what happens to me or where things go from here I will always love him.


If you ever read this when you get older or whatever. I want you to know I’ve loved you with more love than I could ever imagine since the moment your daddy brought you to me in that surgery room. I have done everything I can and I will continue to try every day I am here to show you as much love and kindness as I have inside me. You are my sweet child, you are the child I wanted my whole life from the time I was a little girl playing with baby dolls.


To end off this post I’ll share a video that again, hasn’t really been shared.