To the right person it will always be enough. You’ll never have to worry or wonder if you’re doing it right, if they understand you. You won’t have to feel like you aren’t the one, with the right person.
After almost seven months with the right person, we’ve yet to speak an ill word to one another. There have been disagreements sure, times where we’ve had to talk through issues, or not seen eye to eye on something. Sometimes we don’t get on the same page, and that’s okay, sometimes we aren’t meant to, we know what things that’s okay on. Others it’s not okay, and in those cases, we talk. We talk until it’s done, until we reach a resolution. For the first time in my life I know what this is like. I’ve never been with someone before who when I sit down and air a grievance I’m heard. If I have an issue and say “Hey, honey, this is really bothering me and here is why.” To the right one, you won’t even have to speak the words. I must be as transparent as a sheet, or perhaps, it’s because of what I think, him and I belong with one another. Zane always knows when something is wrong with me. I can’t hide it and he always always wants to talk until whatever is wrong is resolved, even if it can’t be fixed right then, even if it’s just taking my mind off of whatever is bothering me. If this is what the future has in store for us I am so ready. I couldn’t ask for more than what I have in my life right now. Even from hundreds of miles away he can pick up on something that’s awry with me.
I don’t pray. I’m not particularly religious. I’ve had a lot of up’s and down’s in my life. Those of you who know me well know that I pretty much associate with being agnostic. While I don’t normally think to do such a thing. I hit my knees and prayed recently. I cried my eyes out and prayed. I did this because I am so thankful for everything in my life right now.
There are some really big possible hurdles ahead. Hurdles I won’t talk about, but hurdles just the same. Suffice it to say I’m scared, I’m tired, and I don’t know how the next few months will be. My conditions are a constant battle for me and I’m already so worn down from the fight. I do everything I can to keep my chin up and keep moving. Zane is right there with a strong hand to hold my chin up for me on days it’s just too weak. He’s been home for six days and today I had to watch him drive away again. Being without him for five weeks was torture. This time we don’t have to do that again. We will see each other again in two weeks. Still I hate watching him leave, and I miss him just the same, it’ll be so much easier this time though.
He’s my best friend in the whole world. He’s so funny, sweet, smart, and loving. He makes me a better person all the time too. He’s always teaching me new things and helping me get better at dealing with the world around me, and he helps me see the world in new ways. I will never be able to thank him enough for who he makes me and how he helps me. When he puts his arms around me and holds me tight, it warms my heart in ways only he can. He’s the only person who truly and honestly makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. I can only hope that I earn his love and help him in return. So here I sit, blessed, happy, and while I’m scared of a few things in life, overall I am so happy with so much. Waiting for his return as usual. That roaring engine will come back down that drive in another few weeks and I’ll be here, ready for him as always.
Love you Zane.