“Tomorrow brings the first blank page of a 365 page book, write a good one”
2015 is about to hit it’s expiration date.
Tonight we welcome 2016. Personally I will welcome it with an open mind and open heart.
2015 brought a world of changes, new hope, upheaval, turmoil and pain, but also glorious happiness I never knew I could feel. 2015 marked Alexandr’s first new year on this earth. The first half of the year brought on a lot of thinking and inner conflict in me. I made a lot of changes as a result and while they were difficult ones to make, man has my life taken such a turn.
To borrow from the best person in my life, and the one who keeps me going. There are always speed bumps on the road, and you’ll get through them. You just have to take them as they come. I’ve had plenty of those. This year brought the onset of illnesses and chronic pain. Frustration with those around me and pain from some I cared a lot about. It also brought new love, joy, and care I’ve never known. It brought realization about myself. I learned how much of me I wasn’t listening to, how little I was valuing myself, and how much that was hurting me.
In the coming year I will make no “resolutions” instead I will make a pact with myself. To love myself and those around me with no reservations, no restrictions, and as much as possible. To drink in every kiss, hug, and smile that I get from my son, and my boyfriend, and to relish in every beautiful moment I get to have with them, even the frustrating times. I’m going to make a pact with myself to slow down more, sing louder, dance more often, be sillier. I’m going to laugh, god dammit I’ll laugh as much as I want to. I only get one life, I don’t know how long I’ll have mine. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I overstayed in situations for way longer than I should have, I lost myself. Today I can honestly say I know who I am, I am Shari and I am the Shari that I was as a little girl, a teenager even as much as I hid it from some, and the one that got muddled along the way from that point forward. I’m a much better, happier, and more centered version of that girl though. I will try never to lose myself again.
To a few of those important to me in particular:
Alexandr, though you are not yet old enough to read any of this. I want you to know that I love you. You are very much testing my patience the last few days, but you are about to be two my son, and as I watch you play with your Tonka Semi Truck with the biggest smile on your face I can’t help but melt. I know you will not be this way forever child and will do my best to remind myself of this in the time to come.
Zane, my wonderful sweet Zane. You are my rock dear and my best friend. What can I say to you other than thank you? Thank you for making my world what it is. I know my baggage is heavy but you make it lighter than air. Thank you for all the two in the mornings. For all the times you let me call you and wake you up, not batting an eye, and being there with an open ear and heart to listen. For holding a mirror up to me and showing me just how wonderful I really am, and showing me what your love could do to me. Most of all, thank you for hanging in there through that tough time this year, and still being around on the other side when I knew what was in my own heart and mind. This year I will do my best to continue being as good a girlfriend as I possibly can, and to do even better going forward.
Crystal, my awesome sister. We haven’t always seen eye to eye, and sometimes we’ve seen back to back. We have both worked for years to improve our relationship with each other and it’s done a world of good for us both. Without your kind words, support, and help over the last few years I shudder to think where I would be. You and I don’t have much overall as far as family is concerned but three girls always tried to stick together somewhat. You and I have become very close, and I can at least say that our relationship is strong. I will do my best this year to work even harder to spend more time face to face with you, over coffee and wine, with more hugs, tears, smiles, and possible pants peeing.
So welcome 2016. I am ready for you and all you bring. I have a feeling you’ll be one of the most amazing years of my life.