I was talking with some friends today about a subject and it brought up the song that Zane I both hold dear. One day I would like to make our story into a book, but for now I’m going to commit this to my blog.
I’ve been through alot, and last year a lot of choices had to be made in my world. I made a very hard choice to end a relationship, and go it alone. In that venture I was presented with a new prospect.
You see Zane has been one of my best friends for a very long time. For many years. He’s been someone that despite any differences we have had in our past, we have always found each other in the dark, and held each other up to the light. Last year during my dark time and having to make the choices that I did. I found him by my side more than once. I was faced with weather or not to allow myself to entertain him as someone I would consider dating. This was not a choice I took lightly. He’ll tell you himself I did not make it easy on him lol. I spent a lot of time dwelling over the decision and trying to decide in my heart how I really felt. I did not want haste to cloud my judgement.
I remember waking up from a very vivid dream, in that dream I found myself standing at a four way stop, and as I stood there I was unable to will myself to choose which direction to go, and which path on that road to take. No matter how much I urged my feet to move forward, I simply could not.
For those of you who know me, or follow my blog, you know that my husband is an over the road truck driver, so during all of this, I was not able to see him, which may have been the best thing in making my decision or trying to sort myself out. It gave me a fair bit of distance to clear my head.
One day I got particularly angry at myself for being unable to make up my mind and have any clarity or hold on anything. I’m usually so level headed, why was everything so incredibly murky?! I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and I was so scared of being hurt, I was so fragile…
So I ran. I ran as hard as I could, as fast as I could. I remember hearing my feet pound the pavement. Thump, thump, I could hear my tennis shoes hit the asphalt with the full weight of my body with each individual step. I could hear the sharp breath in my lungs and feel the sting as they drew in. I didn’t know where I was going or when I would stop. I just ran until I could run anymore. I even remember yelling at some point.
When I finally did stop I looked around and all I could see surrounding me were trailers. The kind he would haul around attached to his truck. Somehow without realizing it, I had made it to pretty much the only place in this one horse town that has a giant lot full of them. I sat down for a minute and soaked in the irony of it all before sending him a message to that effect, then of course it began to rain. I actually welcomed it in the blazing heat. I began walking aimlessly with no destination in mind still. I suddenly stopped walking and found myself compelled to look up. There I was standing at that four way stop. The one from my dream. I had never been there before but there it was. Somehow I found my footing and was able to continue forward and pick a direction this time.
Then, there in front of me passing down the road was a white dodge truck, with an amber light bar, and all I could think in my head was “Sarah”.
Those of you who don’t know, my husband has gone by Dodge, or my more familiar version “Dodgie” for years, due to his love for Dodge’s, and he had a particular truck named Sarah. Her identical twin must have passed directly next to me.
I sent him another message and said I swear I felt like someone was tapping me on the shoulder, or that he was following me.
His response was it must be the universe, and a simple LOL. I kept walking.
A minute later, the song “Bright” by Echosmith came over my headphones, as the entire time I had been walking I was listening to music. I had never heard this song before as it was fairly new at the time. I got chills and almost dropped my phone. I stopped and sat down below a stop sign. He didn’t know it at the time, but right then and there I felt I was being told what to do.
I believe in signs all around us. Call it fate, call it divine hand or intervention, or call it coincidence if you like. I believe something was telling me that day that Zane was my path. That I was supposed to give him that chance, reach out, and take his hand. I was terrified and in awe of the signs that day, and I am still shocked by the things that occurred. As a result, that song has always been our banner to each other and since we are apart often, we say that at least we can see the same stars at night.
I know it might sound cheesy, and I know a lot of people say it, but of all the love stories, I think mine is our favorite. It took a lot for me to make the choice I did, and it was not an easy one. It changed a great deal about my life, but I am glad I did it, because I could not be happier with Zane as my partner, lover, and husband.