I am forever surrounded by books! Though I couldn’t be happier about it, we are ABSOLUTELY going to need another bookshelf hahaha. So my journey presses on, and I push forward. Learning Hebrew has been such a treasure. To stop and think of what the letters under my fingers mean as I learn them and recite their sounds aloud. To process in my mind the weight they’ve carried in the past, through generations of Jewish communities. The beautiful and holy words that have been carried in this language that is so utterly complex, but fascinating beyond measure. It will take an immense amount of study to fully speak or understand everything in this language, but I figure if I could do it to learn German, I can do this over time. Beyond that, German was a hobby and interest based partially on my interest in Judaism in the first place.
The more I learn and immerse myself, the more convinced I become that my life has been a series of necessity. I have always been convinced that the horrible atrocities suffered in my life had been just scathing misfortune. Now more than ever I feel that my life was and has always been a preparatory event for multiple things. Just as people in general were not immediately ready to accept covenant with our creator, neither was I. Nor was I ready to accept the things I have experienced, or the reason for most of them. I am slowly beginning to understand the purpose for them. I fully believe my life as it stand is part of that reason. My family, and the life I am living. Without the experiences I went through and the things I endured, I have never believed I would be the person I am, and I have always said that. I am strong, and I do many things well. I would be ignorant to ignore the hand that I believe played a role in my life from time to time.
I took some classes recently at a learning event and the Rabbi from my Congregation made a point. Throughout history there have been times that the Jewish people have been saved, protected even, when they would have otherwise met with great peril. If any of you know me well, you know my life has been more than perilous. There have been so many times, a great many, that my life could, and should have ended. Somehow though, it did not. I was kept safe. Even when all those who were supposed to protect me had left me behind, I had a hand on me from somewhere. I have always been kept safe, and now, I owe it to everyone in my life, myself, my husband, and child to make the most I can out of the life I’ve been given. I will learn all I can. I will help others as much as possible, and I will be as good and kind as I know how to be. That is what I have, and that is what I am called to do.
With the month of Elul upon us, and my class tonight being about Rosh Hashanah, I have begun spending a lot of time on introspection. Shabbat services last week included the sounding of the Shofar, and the start of Sermon-In-Song which was absolutely touching. Every time I attend it’s like observing a living, breathing, captivating work of art. I can’t help but to begin to shed tears. The depths it adds to the feelings in my heart on my own spiritual journey is something I cannot put into words. They outright escape me, but suffice it to say it’s awe inspiring.