Our Endless Numbered Days, Wisdom Comes In Time



“There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she’s chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children ’till she let’s them go at last
And she’s chosen where to be, though she’s lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can’t recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling ’round the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I’d never learned

There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the windows closed, she’ll sit and think of me
But she’ll mend his tattered clothes and they’ll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone”

I cannot get over the symbolism and beautiful undertones in this mans music. I have listened for so many years. A friend introduced me to his music when I was much younger. As I have aged, so has my understanding of things of course. As life continues so to does our knowledge and acquisition of it. I like to believe we become smarter as we age, though I’m not sure that’s true for all people. I have always strived to keep my mind sharper over time, seeking more to feed it. I am seeing every single song of his in a brand new light.

Granted I’m probably the last horse to cross the finish line on this one, though that may be, I’m fascinated. There is so much more substance than I ever knew in some of these songs. Of course “Jezebel” has always been easy to identify.

“Who’s seen Jezebel?
She was born to be the woman I would know
And hold like the breeze
Half as tight as both our eyes closed

Who’s seen Jezebel?
She went walking where the cedars line the road
Her blouse on the ground
Where the dogs were hungry, roaming

Saying, “Wait, we swear
We’ll love you more and wholly
Jezebel, it’s we, we that you are for

Who’s seen Jezebel?
She was born to be the woman we could blame
Make me a beast half as brave
I’d be the same

Who’s seen Jezebel?
She was gone before I ever got to say
“Lay here my love
You’re the only shape I’ll pray to, jezebel”

Who’s seen Jezebel?
Will the mountain last as long as i can wait
Wait like the dawn
How it aches to meet the day

Who’s seen Jezebel?
She was certainly the spark for all i’ve done
The window was wide
She could see the dogs come running

Saying, “Wait, we swear
We’ll love you more and wholly
Jezebel, it’s we, we that you are for

That said, it’s somewhat easy to identify that all of his music has ties to theology in some way (from what I read he is formerly Christian, and labels himself Agnostic currently). Thus of course not all of this resonates with me personally story wise being Jewish, but seeing the beauty in the artform is no less amazing. Knowing that a fair few of his songs were based in biblical reference was one thing. Seeing him weave this in such a way that songs I used to believe were simply about a man, woman, and a dress are not so, is quite incredible.

If any of you are unfamiliar with his work (Iron & Wine being the band name, though he does all the instrumentation and vocals) if you have ever seen movies such as Twilight, Garden State, or In Good Company, you’ve likely heard his songs. “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” was used in the Twilight series so it’s pretty familiar to most.

Sometimes things are not always what we first see, and sometimes, moreover, oftentimes, age gives us wisdom to see beyond what we once saw. Listen to music, listen again, read books once, twice, three times, then read them again.

During our last class we spoke of Ecclesiastes and the main question the younger people in class had was WHY is SUCH a sad book included in our reading for such a joyous occasion (Rosh Hashanah)? Now I’m not sure of everyone’s ages. I do know I’m one of the older individuals, and I do know for certain I am one of the only ones with children, I am still green in my years to be sure, though more seasoned than some. That said I felt it was an important inclusion in the readings. I listened intently as the Rabbi explained that the book is important at this time, so as to show us that we will leave this world the same as we entered it. “As he came forth from his mother’s womb, naked shall he go again as he came, and shall take nothing for his labor, which he may carry away in his hand.” Ecclesiastes (5:15). King Solomon realized too late in his life that all the materialistic items in this world would not matter once he had perished. Thus it leaves a depressing tone to the book to be sure, as there is a lamenting to the time lost. There is also a beauty in the realization of what is truly important. For that is the lesson taught. The bonds, the time we have here, the need not to look forward to work toward “what comes next”, the living here and now for those around us, that is the importance of it during Rosh Hashanah and even more during the reflection time coming into Yom Kippur in my personal opinion. In assessing your shortcomings, and the things you wish to improve upon, it is ever important to recall what truly matters in life.

The point I’m making on it is this, go back and revisit things from the past with new eyes. You never know what your new perspective and the wisdom of age will give you. Fresh ears too. As we move forward in life we grow, and that growth unlocks so many things in us. Push ever harder to be a better version of yourself, more giving, more loving, kinder, harder working. Not just during the times of the year we are told to do so, but all of the time. If we all did the world would be a much better place for it. Recall that life is fleeting, we are small in the place that God has created for us, and we return to Earth once we are no longer here. Marvel at the beauty around you. Drink it in. Live in it, while you can, for as long as you are given.





Always learning, always seeking knowledge

Credit to MyJewishLearning

I am forever surrounded by books! Though I couldn’t be happier about it, we are ABSOLUTELY going to need another bookshelf hahaha. So my journey presses on, and I push forward. Learning Hebrew has been such a treasure. To stop and think of what the letters under my fingers mean as I learn them and recite their sounds aloud. To process in my mind the weight they’ve carried in the past, through generations of Jewish communities. The beautiful and holy words that have been carried in this language that is so utterly complex, but fascinating beyond measure.  It will take an immense amount of study to fully speak or understand everything in this language, but I figure if I could do it to learn German, I can do this over time. Beyond that, German was a hobby and interest based partially on my interest in Judaism in the first place.

The more I learn and immerse myself, the more convinced I become that my life has been a series of necessity. I have always been convinced that the horrible atrocities suffered in my life had been just scathing misfortune. Now more than ever I feel that my life was and has always been a preparatory event for multiple things. Just as people in general were not immediately ready to accept covenant with our creator, neither was I. Nor was I ready to accept the things I have experienced, or the reason for most of them. I am slowly beginning to understand the purpose for them. I fully believe my life as it stand is part of that reason. My family, and the life I am living. Without the experiences I went through and the things I endured, I have never believed I would be the person I am, and I have always said that. I am strong, and I do many things well. I would be ignorant to ignore the hand that I believe played a role in my life from time to time.

I took some classes recently at a learning event and the Rabbi from my Congregation made a point. Throughout history there have been times that the Jewish people have been saved, protected even, when they would have otherwise met with great peril. If any of you know me well, you know my life has been more than perilous. There have been so many times, a great many, that my life could, and should have ended. Somehow though, it did not. I was kept safe. Even when all those who were supposed to protect me had left me behind, I had a hand on me from somewhere. I have always been kept safe, and now, I owe it to everyone in my life, myself, my husband, and child to make the most I can out of the life I’ve been given. I will learn all I can. I will help others as much as possible, and I will be as good and kind as I know how to be. That is what I have, and that is what I am called to do.

With the month of Elul upon us, and my class tonight being about Rosh Hashanah, I have begun spending a lot of time on introspection. Shabbat services last week included the sounding of the Shofar, and the start of Sermon-In-Song which was absolutely touching. Every time I attend it’s like observing a living, breathing, captivating work of art. I can’t help but to begin to shed tears. The depths it adds to the feelings in my heart on my own spiritual journey is something I cannot put into words. They outright escape me, but suffice it to say it’s awe inspiring.


Spiritual awakening, the start of my conversion to Judaism.

I would rather think of life of as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to come together and make sense. 

This quote is credited to Rabbi Harold Kushner, I feel like it could not be more relevant to my life, in general, or right now.

When I think over my life there has been a large amount of pain, turmoil, and hurt, but there has been joy, and love, as well as extreme happiness. I searched from a very young age for more. From Catholicism, to Evangelism, Judaism, to even Buddhism. I have learned a great many things about what those around me had believed.

I have always felt there was more in this place than random design. Weather it be anger, sorrow or stubbornness, I have chided away from this in the past. I have gone to churches, tried to feel welcomed and fit. How could I ever find a home in a place where others were hated? Where a good and loving God would cast aside those who were different, and it was my duty, nay, calling to judge them and cast them away from me, or even worse the love of the creator of us all? There was no part of me that felt at home in those places, though my faith and connection spiritually never disappeared. I suppose you could call it a spark inside of me. A light that shone, even if it was dim at times.

This, is about how I came to find a start in my life, a path that I must walk to see where it leads, and where I believe it will lead. I say this, because for some reason I can’t help but feel that my feet already know the steps. I just need the hand to reach out and help guide me. I felt lost, yet not scared, I feel adrift, needing knowledge, yet I know that it will come, when it is time. For the first time in my life, ever, I feel like I have found solid footing in a world that has always felt so uncertain in my mind. Everything around me feels firm and planted.

I feel just as sure about the choices I am making now as I did choosing Zane, falling in love with Zane, and marrying him. There is nothing but clarity inside me. I feel as steady inside as I did in the NICU with Alexandr, knowing that I was his mother, and somehow, we would make it through. So many nights I sat in my glider or on my knees, holding the number to the NICU unit in my hand in the dead of night, crying, and praying, waiting to call and hoping for the safety of my child. I know he was kept safe. I’ve never lost faith, I’ve just never known where to place it, I’ve never known a home to hold that faith.

Next month I will begin a year long spiritually educational journey. A pilgrimage of my own as it were. I will immerse myself and our family fully to the practice and observance of Judaism. Every day I work to enhance my spiritual relationship with God. I will work very diligently to learn all I can and to live as Jewishly as possible, and raise my family this way. This includes following as many practices as we are able, including my fumbling attempts to convert our household to being Kosher (which has been mildly amusing).

I know I’m going to get this question from some, yes, my husband is Jewish. This however is not my reason for conversion. We have been married for some time now. Two years on Valentine’s day as a matter of fact. That said he has been non practicing for as long as I have known him. We are embarking on this journey of spirituality together, and feel it is a wonderful thing for us all, and is the way we want to conduct our home. The idea to convert was actually my own, it has been something I have considered for years. Starting in my teenage years. Sometimes you are just called from within. I believe Judaism called to me and always has.

If I haven’t told you personally about my conversion know that I told my family only directly and felt that announcing it this way was the best way to go about telling others. If you have any questions you’d like to ask me about it, any curiosities feel free to ask me privately, or comment. I am looking forward to this journey, and hope to share in some of it with you. I would love to hear from any of you who have gone through the conversion process, or talk to any of you who may be considering it.

I feel very much like my spiritual heart has found it’s home.


(The pictures at the top are my Magen David, to commemorate the start of my journey we decided a modest pendant to keep me in touch with my path, and remind me to pray was in order.)

Cause he’s stronger than you know…

Where to start today.

When you’re the mom of a kid with special needs you work in steps. Sections. Small plans. You can’t ever look too far ahead because then everything gets too chaotic, too fragmented, and just too hard to handle. So you work in compartments. In our case it started with Alexandr’s first set of therapy last year. It was a six month compartment, and we set goals. There are always goals, things you hope to reach and see. Little milestones. Small victories. You hope for the best and you try to tune out the children around you, parents too. Not because you’re trying to be mean. You have to, for me when I take in those around me, it’s too much of a reminder of how far we have to climb, and an ever painful truth that we may never get there.

It’s a constant face to the forefront that my beautiful little bear, may never meet the world’s standard of “normal”. I have mourned so much from pregnancy to now, that it has been hard to handle the roller coaster of emotion that comes along with this. When the time came for me to go into the hospital at 30 weeks for the first time, I thought maybe, just maybe, it would all be okay somehow and it was all just a dream. I’d get out and go back to “normal”. Normal. You hear that word so damn often and I hate that word. I wish I could throw it out. What is normal anyway?


I had no idea when I took this picture, alone in my hospital room, that a few short weeks later I would be sitting in an operating room holding the hand of a man named Darrell, my kindly anesthesiologist as he assured me it would all be okay. They were telling me my son wasn’t getting oxygen, and that something was wrong. Dr. Adams, the man who would deliver my son, told me not to worry if I didn’t hear him cry. He probably wouldn’t cry, as they delivered my spinal block and did their best to make sure I was numb prepping me for my c-section as Daniel waited outside.

A short while later Alexandr made his entry into this world and nothing about it has been “Normal” since then. I spent time recovering from my c-section brushing up on infant CPR and learning how to clear his airway in an emergency. Sadly I had to use that once. No one should ever have to see their child turn blue on them. I have.

Alexandr has spent his life fighting but he is here and was released after just under a month in the hospital. When he was almost two years old and could only speak a handful of words, spent more time being entertained by the ceiling fan than his toys, and took no comfort in my embrace. I began to worry. Six months ago right around his second birthday Alexandr was officially pronounced to be delayed by about a year. We truly had an issue. I felt like I had failed him once again. As much as I struggled and felt like I failed standing in that hospital room, standing in my living room after his therapy team left, I felt even more so. That’s when I began to hate the word “normal”.

Alexandr now has glasses as well as Nystagmus which is an uncommon issue where his eyes bounce back and forth, which, he isn’t aware of and cannot control, but can be seen by anyone who looks at it from an outside perspective. Another difficult blow, another thing that cannot be fixed.


After six months of the knock down fight of therapy, Alex has seen good days and bad. We have seen progress but not forward motion. Recently we had a blow to our guts. His therapist came to me and finally said the words that I knew were likely coming but that every parent in my position is so afraid of.

She told me that we should have him screened for Autism Spectrum Disorder. They fully believe him to be on the mid to high functioning end, but ASD none the less.

Compartments, sections, little victories. We struggle every day and we spend our time looking at the smaller parts of our world because we cannot look outside, we cannot compare or big picture.

I took a step back from all of this.

I spent so long blaming myself for all of this and feeling like such a failure for not being able to give him everything, and allow him to have a life free of struggles. I felt as though I had to have done something, anything, to cause this. I know that I am wrong, and nothing I could have done would have made any of this better. I also know that “normal” does not matter. Alexandr is extraordinary.

Alexandr does things in a very special way. Alex sees the world in a way I will never ever see it. I am lucky to be around him. When I finally stopped trying to reach “normal” I found him. I found the beauty in my son just as he is. He shows me every day that he is there, in there, he may not show me in the way that everyone else’s son does, he does in his own way. Alex’s way. Alexandr is a superhero all his own. He hit a small breakthrough recently, and we have seen more progress, he has even found a unique way of communicating.

To other parents, I want to relate to you. I want to relate to parents who have children that carry on conversations with their three year old. My son does not even answer to his name yet. Please never misunderstand me, I cheer for your children, but I do not understand what that is like yet. I wanted to shout from the rooftops because my son who is almost three decided to use a fork for a few bites of his food.

My son still only knows about fifteen words, he often melts down at stores because of the noise, lights, and people, and my daily stories are not the easiest to tell. I spend my days, weeks, and months in small victories, baby steps, and compartments. Please don’t ever misunderstand us, we have to work in these ways to survive. Our time is filled with individual education plans, occupational therapy and speech therapy, and which toys should we buy for the engagement bin. How can we improve our sensory corner? Parenting for me is so very different.

I had a woman stop me during a time where Alex was completely overwhelmed by the grocery store, at the end of a very long trip, he was screeching at the checkout. She leaned over to me and told me I needed to learn to discipline my child.

Our world is different from yours, please please understand we are doing our best, and our world is just not the same as yours. I know at least for Alex, Zane and I, we do everything we can do get through this all together, the best we know how.

We try our best to find joy in our lives, we celebrate Alexandr for exactly who he is.

Besides, what is so great about “normal” anyway? This life is dizzy, it’s hard, and everyone, even people who have children that aren’t special needs may not have it easy, so we celebrate him. He is our superhero, and will always be.

We love you Alexandr, and no matter what, one compartment at a time, we will get through this.


Don’t hold a grudge or a chip and here’s why…

I know you got mountains to climb, but, always stay humble and kind….

So many things have happened since my birthday a few short months ago, and it’s almost too much to catalog. I can’t even really go through it all, but suffice it to say, between multiple trips to the hospital, a stint in ICU, and in general more health issues than I care to admit to myself, I seem to have stabilized somewhat. Toward the end of this month I finally make my way to the Rheumatologist I have been waiting to see since last year. With any luck this will get us some more real answers, unfortunately it may create more hiccups.

There have been plenty of new developments, Zane came home for multiple months, and is now back on the road again, back to doing what he’s always been good at 😉 I know he’s married to me, but that blacktop is his second home, and I’m okay with that. There has been so much more that’s happened and I could go on forever about everything that’s developed over the last few months. Let’s just say I see so much coming on the horizon. I will meet it all with my head held high as I always have, and with my hand held by those whom I love. Zane has been such a driving force for me this last year and I can’t believe how much I have changed being with him.

They say the world and the people in it can change you, and that’s certainly true. I think he has changed me more than he will ever know, but more than that he’s helped me find me again. It’s like settling back into the earth that I once was. I’m comfortable in my own skin again. I don’t feel like I have to pretend to be someone I’m not. No need to impress or keep appearances for anyone. I can be as raw as I feel I truly am. I can sob and let my emotions as free as they are. If I honestly cannot handle the day and the cross I bear is to heavy, he will take it off of me and hold it for as long as I need, and hold me in the meanwhile. Even from hundreds of miles away. I have never met someone so kind and gentle, nor someone so caring. I cannot ever see myself anywhere else than in this life.

Everything lately has been so heavy on me too, there has been so much difficulty, so much sickness and pain, one bit of bad news after another. One unanswered question after another. I feel like it’s a constant spiral some days.

Alexandr continues to be my guiding light though, every day I awake to his sweet smile and “Hi!” I get to look into his beautiful face and get kisses and hugs, I play cars and teach him things, he puts bugs in my lap and we play in the dirt. I spend too much time in the sun, and I wouldn’t trade and ounce of it.


I really do wish I could see the world through his eyes, the wonder he must feel at every little thing he sees. He has been making great progress in therapy, his favorite color is orange and he is doing great at saying them now. He can now say “Juice, eat, and bite” he knows what they all mean and uses them respectively to get what he wants. He also says “Thank you” and “Hi” he is starting to call me “Moma” on occasion, which is rare, but just about makes me cry when it does happen. We had a regression of his verbal skills early on and “mama” dropped from his vocabulary completely after being around for a very short time, since then he has not referred to me by a word at all. I’m very touched he is starting to use it again and I cherish it when I hear it. Sometimes it wears on me with how hard I work to not hear it. I love him so very very much, he is my everything, my soul even in some ways. To have him not say things like “love you” or “momma” is hard sometimes. I know that some people who have children who are somewhat non verbal, autism spectrum, or special needs will understand this. It can be difficult when they cannot reach out to you through words.

I try to remind myself that it’s not my fault, nor is it his. It may never be his way, and that is okay. I know that he loves me, and appreciates me. So when he does hug me, or kiss me, I just appreciate it that much more. I also do not scold myself for feeling jealous or upset when I sit at the park and see mothers of other two year olds carry full conversations with their children, where they say “I love you so much mommy!!” I remind myself it’s okay to hurt. I’m allowed to feel that way, just as I was allowed to mourn my pregnancy, and feel pain over the things that I lost in his infancy. I will mourn a great many things as he grows, and I will not allow him to feel that any of it is his fault, nor will I EVER let him feel like he is anything less in this world even if others want him to feel that way.

I know that he will have challenges. I know that his growing up will not be easy, but I’ve always grown to know that being his mother, or being a mother at all, is something that takes more than I ever imagined, it takes every part of your being and then some. I will spend the rest of whatever life I am granted making my son know that his mommy loves him and has every faith in everything he could ever be and will be in this world and will stand behind him 100%.

I’m not entirely sure when I started writing this that it had a direction, but perhaps I just needed to talk a little bit, and get out some things that have been inside me lately, and this being my platform, and my soap box, I pour my heart out here.

The truth is, I love my family. I love my son more than myself, and I love my husband more with each day that passes, and as it sits I see only better things on the horizon for all of us. Like I’m being embraced by a warm hug most days, even if some days are hard, nothing breaks through that hug.

Thank you to those of you who share in reading about my family and my journey through life here on my blog.

Till next time… Always be Humble and Kind.

Two as one, and my life continues on.




My soul sparkles and my heart shines. I am Mrs. Womack forever more. On Valentine’s day 2016 I gave myself completely in vow to my best friend and chose to spend my life with him.


Zane and I have had so much fun with each other. That has also been foreshadowed by a large amount of responsibility and difficult times together. We have done a lot to make our life together and our place in this world. We have worked, as a team, to be where we are. Every single day we make sure to show each other in every way we can how much we love each other. Our wedding day was no different, and every single person who was at our wedding was utterly touched by the ceremony and the amount of love we have for each other. Even the pastor who performed the ceremony was moved by the love flowing out of the two of us.


Did we make Eve Online video game jokes in our vows? Your damn right. Did we dance poorly with each other after the ceremony even though no one else danced? Absolutely. It was a blast. Everything was beautiful. It was perfect. I walked down the aisle to our song “Bright” by Echosmith. Our nieces and Nephew could not have been cuter. Alexandr and our Nephew made adorable ring bearers, and my brother in law and sister were wonderful. My friend Matthew walked me down the aisle to my waiting future husband who couldn’t have looked more shocked and in love. Then we were married! After our dancing foolishness and some pictures at the park we had dinner at a place called The American Bowman Restaurant. It sits atop an amazing microbrewery called O’Malley’s in Kansas that makes some amazing beer. After some amazing conversation with family and some close friends one of whom, Richelle, I had not seen in far to long and was so happy to get a chance to see even if we didn’t get to chat much given the excitement, we we relieved of parenting duty for a few days for our “honeymoon”.


We spent the next few days having fun visiting with Matt and doing things like playing arcade games at Dave and Buster’s, and in general just being big goofs. It was so much fun. Soon I’ll make a post about how I did the budgeting for the wedding. We were able to clock in at a VERY small budget for the wedding How small? Check out my next installment to find out, but I bet you’d be surprised to find it’s well under 1,000 dollars.


Moving forward. Life these days is great. Zane is going to be trying out a driving job here in town, this would allow for him to be home at night, and have two days off a week. This is absolutely amazing because a lot has happened in the last few weeks. I found out that I also have Kidney disease on top of everything else (IgA Nephropathy/Berger’s Disease) and our son was just placed as special needs as he’s showing a 25-50% delay and might have sensory processing disorder. Not to mention that I badly wanted him home. I love him so much and having him home only four days out of the month was so tough. He’s so much of my world and I’m such a strong person but he’s such a big part of my life, having him hundreds of miles away….well it sucks. I hate it. So I hope this switch sticks and works out because I want him here. I prefer him here and I have no doubt he’d rather be here too.


Being you is enough


To the right person it will always be enough. You’ll never have to worry or wonder if you’re doing it right, if they understand you. You won’t have to feel like you aren’t the one, with the right person.

After almost seven months with the right person, we’ve yet to speak an ill word to one another. There have been disagreements sure, times where we’ve had to talk through issues, or not seen eye to eye on something. Sometimes we don’t get on the same page, and that’s okay, sometimes we aren’t meant to, we know what things that’s okay on. Others it’s not okay, and in those cases, we talk. We talk until it’s done, until we reach a resolution. For the first time in my life I know what this is like. I’ve never been with someone before who when I sit down and air a grievance I’m heard. If I have an issue and say “Hey, honey, this is really bothering me and here is why.” To the right one, you won’t even have to speak the words. I must be as transparent as a sheet, or perhaps, it’s because of what I think, him and I belong with one another. Zane always knows when something is wrong with me. I can’t hide it and he always always wants to talk until whatever is wrong is resolved, even if it can’t be fixed right then, even if it’s just taking my mind off of whatever is bothering me. If this is what the future has in store for us I am so ready. I couldn’t ask for more than what I have in my life right now. Even from hundreds of miles away he can pick up on something that’s awry with me.

I don’t pray. I’m not particularly religious. I’ve had a lot of up’s and down’s in my life. Those of you who know me well know that I pretty much associate with being agnostic. While I don’t normally think to do such a thing. I hit my knees and prayed recently. I cried my eyes out and prayed. I did this because I am so thankful for everything in my life right now.

There are some really big possible hurdles ahead. Hurdles I won’t talk about, but hurdles just the same. Suffice it to say I’m scared, I’m tired, and I don’t know how the next few months will be. My conditions are a constant battle for me and I’m already so worn down from the fight. I do everything I can to keep my chin up and keep moving. Zane is right there with a strong hand to hold my chin up for me on days it’s just too weak. He’s been home for six days and today I had to watch him drive away again. Being without him for five weeks was torture. This time we don’t have to do that again. We will see each other again in two weeks. Still I hate watching him leave, and I miss him just the same, it’ll be so much easier this time though.

He’s my best friend in the whole world. He’s so funny, sweet, smart, and loving. He makes me a better person all the time too. He’s always teaching me new things and helping me get better at dealing with the world around me, and he helps me see the world in new ways. I will never be able to thank him enough for who he makes me and how he helps me. When he puts his arms around me and holds me tight, it warms my heart in ways only he can. He’s the only person who truly and honestly makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. I can only hope that I earn his love and help him in return. So here I sit, blessed, happy, and while I’m scared of a few things in life, overall I am so happy with so much. Waiting for his return as usual. That roaring engine will come back down that drive in another few weeks and I’ll be here, ready for him as always.

Love you Zane.